Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize