we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
