I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
