Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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