A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
