Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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