we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This girl is more easily done than said...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize