Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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