barbara walters just said penis...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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