They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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