The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
