she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
