Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
