it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
