I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
