I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
