Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
