God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
