i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
