I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
