She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
