btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize