Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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