Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
