There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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