he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
