from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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