I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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