Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
