Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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