You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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