Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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