and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
