There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
