i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
