Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize