i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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