Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
