whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
