why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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