Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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