The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
