I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need moral support for this bender
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
