So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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