He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
