I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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