can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize