why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
