I think scott just propositioned me for sex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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