i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
