At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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