The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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