Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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