No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
