They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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