I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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