tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
