Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
