Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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