I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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