Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
