so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
