Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
