When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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