just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
