I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do herpes really smell.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
