There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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