smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
