He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
