This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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