My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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