Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
