Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
