Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
