Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
