he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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