hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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