when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dignity is for republicans.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
