There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
