that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
50% drunk capacity currently
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
