i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
