The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
