you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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