First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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