i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
