I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
