I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
