Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
