Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
