So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
