so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
