So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
