I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
