This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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