i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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