Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
