I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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