After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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