the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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