you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
