I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
