I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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