i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
be right there i have to get my cape
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
