i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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