i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
