I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
