that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
